Ok seriously, where the fuck is Fall? It’s October and it’s 90 degrees. My house is hot, the dogs are hot, I’m hot. What I really want to be doing is knitting wool sweaters. But it’s hot! Plus I fucking hate Winter I hate being cold, I like Fall, Fall is my favorite time of year and I’m getting screwed out of it. Oh and those lovely shades of red, orange and yellow that the trees are supposed to be turning? Not so much. Brown, brown and more brown.
Since we’re already on a roll with the hate, here’s a little something form my waitressing job.
Your waitress hates you if:
- Two of you try to pay at once and both try to give her a credit card. It’s not cute, because she has to chose and what she’d really like to ask is which one of you is a better tipper?
- It’s closing time and you refuse to leave. Even if you think you’re cute or funny, you’re not you’re just drunk. Go home.
- You call her honey, dear, sweetie, babe, or any other term of endearment, especially after she’s told you her name.
- You try to touch her in anyway.
- If she isn’t the person who took your food order, but is helping out your waitress by bringing it out. When she’s asking who had the burger, don’t ignore her, shut the fuck up and tell her.
- You tell her you’re ready to order than take 5 minutes to figure out what you want.
Your waitress loves you if:
- When she asks if anyone needs anything you ALL tell her what you want rather than waiting until she’s come back with the first persons beer to tell her someone else needs one.
- You’re nice to her without being sleazy
- Your party of 6 or more does NOT do separate tickets
- You just give her your credit card when you want to start a tap instead of acting like in the middle of running her ass off she’ll have time to hit the mall with your card
- You start a tap instead of paying as you go, especially if you’re as far from the bar as you could possibly be.
- You tip well – 20%
Believe it or not I’m a good waitress, and waitressing has made me better at being fake.