All She Wants To Do Is Knit

Warning tired and cranky post.

Ok seriously, where the fuck is Fall? It’s October and it’s 90 degrees. My house is hot, the dogs are hot, I’m hot. What I really want to be doing is knitting wool sweaters. But it’s hot! Plus I fucking hate Winter I hate being cold, I like Fall, Fall is my favorite time of year and I’m getting screwed out of it. Oh and those lovely shades of red, orange and yellow that the trees are supposed to be turning? Not so much. Brown, brown and more brown.

Since we’re already on a roll with the hate, here’s a little something form my waitressing job.

Your waitress hates you if:

• Two of you try to pay at once and both try to give her a credit card. It’s not cute, because she has to chose and what she’d really like to ask is which one of you is a better tipper?
• It’s closing time and you refuse to leave. Even if you think you’re cute or funny, you’re not you’re just drunk. Go home.
• You call her honey, dear, sweetie, babe, or any other term of endearment, especially after she’s told you her name.
• You try to touch her in anyway.
• If she isn’t the person who took your food order, but is helping out your waitress by bringing it out. When she’s asking who had the burger, don’t ignore her, shut the fuck up and tell her.
• You tell her you’re ready to order than take 5 minutes to figure out what you want.

Your waitress loves you if:

• When she asks if anyone needs anything you ALL tell her what you want rather than waiting until she’s come back with the first persons beer to tell her someone else needs one.
• You’re nice to her without being sleazy
• Your party of 6 or more does NOT do separate tickets
• You just give her your credit card when you want to start a tap instead of acting like in the middle of running her ass off she’ll have time to hit the mall with your card
• You start a tap instead of paying as you go, especially if you’re as far from the bar as you could possibly be.
• You tip well – 20%

Believe it or not I’m a good waitress, and waitressing has made me better at being fake.

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Watch out for the thorns

I totally missed World Wide Knit in Public Day. Oh I was aware of it, but I did not leave my house. I was to exhausted, my feet hurt, my legs hurt, my ass and my shoulder hurt from where I fell, and my hands were swollen and cramped. Then I went to work. So no knitting in public for me. I know ya’ll are wondering what the hell I’m talking about, I’m talking about the fact that 30 year old misanthropes who have never waitressed before should probably not. Don’t get me wrong I like the second job, if I have to have one (and I do) this is the one to have. But the truth is that even though I’ve gotten somewhat back into shape and I’m not afraid of hard work (hello I grew up on a farm I’ve hauled firewood, put in fence etc), I am not 16 or even 25. No I’m not falling apart, but since my day job for the last 8 or so years and been sitting on my ass in front of one computer or another and my hobbies include sitting on my ass waving two sticks around a bit of string or reading, uh, I am not necessary a fine physical specimen. The winery is a big place and there are steps and a lot of people and if we are busy I run (or rather briskly walk) non stop all night. The truth is that I don’t like people, not most people, not really. I just don’t. Plus, I think anyone who shows up to a place packed wall to wall and thinks is ok to expect their waitress to stand there while they finish chatting is an asshole, also sitting at the same table all night when I could have had 5 other groups sitting there and only tipping 15% – asshole. Because my impulse to tell this people how rude and ridiculous they are I spend all night bitting my tongue and trying to not letting it show on my face how much I despise their pretension, their innate belief that they are better than me. This means this job is work. I am exhausted when I’ve worked all night. But I still like it, sometimes I like it better than my day job. But this is the reason I was not knitting in public yesterday I was recuperating to go back to work last night.

Also for some reason starting sometime Friday evening and lasting through almost the whole day yesterday Nate’s cell phone (or probably his network) flipped out and was randomly resending all the text messages he’d sent me recently. There were a lot. And there was no consideration for sleeping. I finally had to just ignore the phone altogether. It was unbelievably annoying. I love technology and texting but here is a prime example of how technology can turn on you and bite you on the ass. At 5 am.

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